You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
