On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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