I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
