you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
