You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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