who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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