There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
