so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
