i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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