You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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