Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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