Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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