dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We left the knife in your bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
