I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
