I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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