our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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