i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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