i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
