Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
