I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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