Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
