well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
