It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
