Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
