I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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