i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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