dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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