he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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