I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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