i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
