why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize