The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
