Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
