note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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