I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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