listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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