So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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