You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
