How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize