I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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