I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
