good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize