I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
