So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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