he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
