How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
