He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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