Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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