1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
