and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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