I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
