if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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