I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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