I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
