you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
