Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
