walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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