I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
