I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
