if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
