how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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