you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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