i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
