tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
