Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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