I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
