Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
