last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
